When it comes to sex, Western Buddhists tend to be fairly liberal. But as scholar José Cabezón explains, Buddhist tradition takes a much more conservative approach, prohibiting, among other things, oral or anal sex, male homosexuality, and even sex during daylight hours. He challenges us not to dismiss traditional Buddhist views on sexuality but rather to critically examine [...]
Romantic Vision vs. Everyday Disappointment
In meditation we cut through our fantasies and relate with life as it really is. Then something magical can happen. Judith Simmer-Brown says it’s exactly the same in our relationships. Bitter, bitter my distress must be, And never, never must my heart give up Its great and overwhelming grief for her, Nor I be granted e'en a passing hope Of joy however sweet, however [...]
Ask the Teachers: Should I believe the thought that I want a divorce?
I'm not sure I understand the statement, often evoked by Buddhists, “Don't believe everything you think.” How can I know which thoughts to believe? For instance, I seem to constantly have an unbidden thought that I wish I weren't married to my spouse. But then I think, well, I'm a Buddhist, I don't have to believe this thought. Besides, this is not something I would discuss or [...]
Beginning Anew
Thich Nhat Hanh on how to make the meaningful ceremony of "Beginning Anew" part of your life — including his unique practice of mindfulness, "hugging meditation." Beginning Anew is not to ask for forgiveness. Beginning Anew is to change your mind and heart, to transform the ignorance that brought about wrong actions of body, speech, and mind, and to help you cultivate your [...]
Intimate Relationship as a Spiritual Crucible
Living with someone we love, with all the joys and challenges, is one of the best ways to grow spiritually. But real awakening only happens, says renowned psychologist John Welwood, in the charnel ground where we acknowledge and work with our wounds, fears, and illusions. While most people would like to have healthy, satisfying relationships in their lives, the truth is [...]
Healthy Desire: A Buddhist’s View of Mindfulness & Sex
Buddhist practitioner Ray Buckner shares how bringing mindfulness into sex helps us develop a healthier relationship with both ourselves and our partner, and deepens our connection between mind and body. Eyes wide, out of breath, I remember my exact words. Spoken slowly and softly, I said, “Wow. That was literally the most amazing experience I have ever had in my entire [...]
A Buddhist Fiancé’s Guide to Love and Marriage (and Even Divorce)
Depending on how you see it, marriage — or any intimate relationship — offers the opportunity for profound practice in compassion and wisdom. The countdown is on. In 120 days, I’ll be married. To me, there are a lot of good reasons to get married. And when I read through beautiful personal stories of weddings and marriage on Lion’s Roar, I find even more. Still, as a [...]
Committing to Impermanence
It may not be forever, but for right now Rachel Neumann and her partner of 20 years celebrate their love. Thirty-four years ago, when I was ten, I stood in a wooded field, far from a crowd of children and adults who had come to celebrate a birthday, and made two vows: I would have a daughter, at least one, and I would never get married. I imagined this daughter would be [...]
The Bardo of Breaking Up
The notion of bardo — the in-between state — from The Tibetan Book of the Dead is very helpful for anyone dealing with the end of a relationship. I was just eighteen and in my first year of college. I had been going out with Sam for about four months, and it was the first important relationship I’d been in. I was already fantasizing our future life together. One evening [...]
How to Have a (More) Buddhist Wedding
It's your special day, so why not bring some dharma to the proceedings? James Ishmael Ford shares tips on how to do it—while not weirding anyone out. What does it mean to have a Buddhist wedding? It’s hard to say. As far as we know, the Buddha didn’t take a position on marriage. The most we have from him are a few comments about some of the difficulties of marriage, and [...]