No matter what the conflict appears to be about, says Zen teacher Norman Fischer, it always come down to defending our shaky sense of self. “Self” lies at the heart of the human problem. We take ourselves completely for granted. I am I: of course, who else would I be? But what is this “self” who I am? The Buddha saw that the experience we think of as “self,” is [...]
How to Walk in Someone Else’s Shoes
Contemplative psychologist Karen Kissel Wegela teaches a practice to help us see difficult people — and ourselves — more clearly. We have all had the experience of dealing with people we find difficult, and none of us wants to be a difficult person ourselves. “Through the Empty Mirror” is a contemplation that can help us bring compassion toward those we have a hard time [...]
How to Talk It Out
Honest, loving communication is the key to healthy relationships. Sister Chan Khong offers a four-part practice for skillfully sharing our thoughts and feelings with each other. Anger doesn’t come up unexpectedly or all at once. Usually, we accumulate a lot of little hurts or annoyances, but we don’t express them until they become so big we explode. To stop things from [...]
Waking Up Alone
Everything changes; nothing lasts. In matters of the heart this can be a hard truth to wake up to. Karen Maezen Miller on what to do after the love story ends. It was the toothbrush that told me. Alone and overlooked in the emptied medicine chest, it was one of the few things my departed lover had left behind. When I found it, I knew with certainty something I’d been [...]
Start With What’s Easy to Love
Buddhist monk Ajahn Brahm shares his personal approach to loving-kindness meditation, also known as metta. Stage One A Warm Fire in Your Heart Metta can accurately be compared with a warm and radiant fire burning in your heart. You cannot expect to light the fire of loving-kindness by starting with a difficult object, no more than you can expect to light a campfire by [...]
The Four Highest Emotions
Ayya Khema on cultivating loving-kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy, and equanimity — "the only emotions worth having." When we think of love, we have ideas that are purely personal and, on the whole, quite fanciful. They are based in general on our desire to be loved, from which we expect fulfillment. In reality love fulfills only the one who loves. If we understand [...]
Samsara and “The Bachelor”
In the November issue of Lion’s Roar magazine, eight practitioners discuss the Buddhist themes in their favorite TV shows. Just like samsara, Jennifer Keishin Armstrong notes, The Bachelor runs on delusion. Every competition-based reality show traffics in metaphorical death. Survivor, American Idol, Project Runway, and the many shows they inspired create suspense by [...]
Sharon Salzberg: Love Is Not Weakness
There is a misconception, says Buddhist teacher Sharon Salzberg, that developing a more loving heart will make us weak. She explains how loving others — especially those with whom we have an adverse relationship — can be empowering. This clip was filmed during a conversation at JCC Manhattan with bell hooks and Lion’s Roar’s Melvin McLeod. The event was sponsored by Lion’s [...]
Rest in the River
Resting is a very importance practice, says Thich Nhat Hanh. Our physical body needs rest to restore itself, and our consciousness is no different. My dear friends, suppose someone is holding a pebble and throws it in the air and the pebble begins to fall down into a river. After the pebble touches the surface of the water, it allows itself to sink slowly into the [...]
How the Three Jewels Healed My Heart After Abuse
In the midst of an abusive relationship, Buddhist practitioner Ray Buckner says Buddhism's three jewels were painfully absent from their life. By taking refuge in each precious jewel — buddha, dharma, and sangha — they've found healing for a fractured heart. When I think of my experience with sexual assault and domestic abuse, I think of the three jewels of Buddhism. Years [...]
