Grief, fear and despair are part of the human condition. Each of these emotions is useful, says psychotherapist Miriam Greenspan, if we know how to listen to them. I was brought to the practice of mindfulness more than two decades ago by the death of my first child. Aaron died two months after he was born, never having left the hospital. Shortly after that, a friend [...]
How to Feed Your Demons
Lama Tsultrim Allione teaches you an innovative technique to turn your inner demons into friends. Feeding our demons rather than fighting them contradicts the conventional approach of fighting against whatever assails us. But it turns out to be a remarkably effective path to inner integration. Demons (maras in Sanskrit) are not bloodthirsty ghouls waiting for us in dark [...]
The 4 Noble Truths of Emotional Suffering
The Buddha laid out a four-step path to freedom from difficult emotions. The secret, says Anyen Rinpoche, is understanding why our emotions cause us so much suffering. Once we know that, the path to freedom becomes clear. Most of us start to practice Buddhism because we feel dissatisfied and disillusioned with life, in a general way or for some specific reason. Indeed, it is [...]
You’re Basically Good — The Benefits of Contemplative Psychotherapy
Karen Kissel Wegela on therapy that starts with your basic sanity, not your neuroses. Elliot knew from our first session together that I saw him as basically a good person. As he remembered it later, he had told me his personal saga of relationship and work failures, and he expected I would conclude, as he had, that he was pretty hopeless. Instead, I said something like, [...]
You Can’t Get Rid of Your Anger — And That’s OK
Denying anger or giving in to it only makes things worse. The middle way, says Josh Korda, is to live with your difficult emotions skillfully so you don’t harm yourself and others. I’ve found it difficult to make any headway on the Buddhist path without encountering and working with difficult, agitating emotions—sadness, disgust, fear, and especially anger. Anger is an [...]
Ask the Teachers: How do I know whether to avoid or accept something that causes me distress?
If someone or something causes me distress, how do I judge whether to avoid the situation or to accept it as a practice opportunity, along the lines of an Atisha’s assistant? Dungse Jampal Norbu: The story of Atisha's assistant is a reminder that we can further our practice by accepting difficult situations in our lives. When Atisha was asked why he tolerated his insulting [...]
How Do I Work with My Fear of Other People’s Anger?
You can’t stop people from being angry at you, advises Insight Meditation teacher Gina Sharpe, but you can change how it makes you feel. Question: Buddhists talk a lot about working with your own anger, but what about other people’s anger? One of my main problems in life is that I’m afraid people will get angry at me. That makes me vulnerable, lack strength, and fear [...]
Emotional Alchemy
Tara Bennett-Goleman describes how the transforming power of mindfulness can be applied to our painful emotional patterns. ‘‘Each thing has to transform itself into something better, and acquire a new destiny,” Paulo Coelho writes in his novel The Alchemist. Coelho describes the world as only the visible aspect of God, with invisible spiritual forces at play that remain [...]
Pema Chödrön’s reading go-to? Harry Potter
What does America's most beloved Buddhist nun — who just turned 80! — do when her nerves get fried? Same as the rest of us: curl up with a good book. In her new interview with Lion's Roar, Pema tells us that her go-to is Harry Potter. "I just re-read them!" laughed Pema when we asked about the books on her shelf. Pema originally read the series when she was coping with [...]
Ask the Teachers: How can I engage with emotions in a way that turns me towards the Dharma?
Question: It seems that sometimes I can’t tolerate interruptions to my self-absorption. Irritations, big and small, intruding on my desire to settle into the false comfort of ego, can seemingly produce a “me” that is argumentative, difficult, and short-tempered. I’m guessing that I’m not alone in this. How can we engage emotional provocations and self-centeredness in ways that [...]