Ray Buckner shares how Buddhist practice can help us diminish fear by facing it directly with honesty, clarity, and compassion. It’s not easy to open our hearts when we feel utter aversion toward what’s arising, especially feelings of shame or loneliness or sorrow. It’s not easy to sit and be with ourselves, especially in moments when we don’t like ourselves very [...]
Silencing the Inner Critic
The nagging, negative voice of self-judgement, says Christina Feldman, is a powerful affliction best met with courage, kindness, and understanding. Unruly beings are like space. There’s not enough time to overcome them. Overcoming these angry thoughts. Is like defeating all of our enemies. —Shantideva The Buddha sat beneath the Bodhi tree on the eve of his enlightenment [...]
Trust in Your Goodness
Instead of trying to promote or defend ourselves, says Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche, we can base our lives on something more powerful and trustworthy—our basic goodness. Paintings by Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche. Lettering by Hannah Reynolds. Meditation practice is not an exotic or out-of-reach approach. It is immediate and personal, and it involves an intimate relationship with [...]
Getting to Know Your Inner Critic
Jan Chozen Bays explains how to recognize and tame the critical commentary we replay in our minds. Once when the Buddha was injured by an enemy, he spent hours meditating on the physical sensations of pain, without giving in to mental or emotional distress. Finally he lay down to rest. Mara the Evil One appeared and berated him. “ Why are you lying down? Are you in a daze [...]
A Practice for Developing Kindness toward Yourself
Valerie Mason-John, author of Detox Your Heart: Meditations for Emotional Healing, shares a meditation for cultivating a positive relationship with yourself, and, by extension, the world. When we take positive action and respond creatively to our anger, we are taking good care of ourselves. Taking care of our hearts, minds, and bodies is taking positive action. Learning to [...]
Even a Broken Heart is Fundamentally Good
Buddhist practitioner Ray Buckner on the struggles of letting go after a relationship ends, and how being on the dharma path can help. At this specific moment, and for over five months, my heart and being feel deeply broken— pained in a way not previously felt. It’s a pain that, sometimes, doesn’t diminish, even when countered with contemplation and deep reflection, or [...]
Do I have to put others before myself?
Buddhist teachings say that I should put others before myself. But they also say I should have compassion for myself. How do I do both? Most religions teach that we have a choice between being selfish (bad) and being selfless (good). Surprisingly, Buddhism doesn’t do that. The Buddhist principle is the “two benefits”—what’s truly good for me is also good for you, and vice [...]
Meditation: Be Kind to Yourself
A three-step contemplation to give yourself the compassion you need (and deserve). Put both hands on your heart, pause, and feel their warmth. You can also put your hand anyplace on your body that feels soothing and comforting, like your belly or face. Breathe deeply in and out. Speak these words to yourself, out loud or silently, in a warm and caring tone: This [...]
17 Resources for Making Friends with Yourself
Letting go of self-criticism and making friends with ourselves makes us happier, more resilient, and kinder. Here is a collection of essential videos, books, and websites to help take that step. Videos “Pema Chödrön explains Maitri” “The Space Between Self-Esteem and Self-Compassion: Kristin Neff at TEDxCentennialParkWomen” Books & Audio How to Meditate: [...]
See this illustration of Kristin Neff’s three steps for self-compassion
Inspired by Kristen Neff's article for Lion's Roar on self-compassion, graphic recorder Johnine Byrne created this wonderful graphic recording of Neff's three steps for self-compassion. Neff, who has researched self-compassion for the last ten years, says self-compassion has three components: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. In her Lion's Roar article, [...]