In Buddhism, the notion of “selfness”—or the focus on the self—is often seen as something to be avoided, almost taboo. The Diamond Sutra, for example, highlights “Non-Self” as one of the four essential qualities a Bodhisattva must possess to truly embody the role. The idea of “selflessness” is repeatedly emphasized in various sutras and stories. One well-known example is when the Buddha, in a past life, offered his own flesh to a hungry tigress and her cubs. Generally speaking, most religions advocate for selflessness among their followers.
I confess that I struggle with this teaching. The pressure to be selfless feels overwhelming, and achieving “Non-Self” seems almost impossible—like a distant, unattainable goal.
This internal conflict brings me distress. What about “self-care”? Is “self-care” different from being “selfish”? Does Buddhism offer any teachings on this?
When Venerable Master Hsing Yun, the founder of Fo Guang Shan (FGS) Monastery, established the order, he introduced the “Four Givings”—giving confidence, joy, hope, and convenience to others—as guiding principles for Fo Guang members. Yet, could it be that by constantly giving, we risk becoming worn-out “empty cups,” susceptible to being taken advantage of? While giving benefits others, how do we ensure we benefit ourselves?
“The bodhisattva path prioritizes benefiting others and achieving the welfare of all, recognizing that self-benefit and benefiting others can be practiced simultaneously.”
I first came across the “Empty Cup” idea in an article called You Can’t Pour From an Empty Cup: Why Self-Care Isn’t Selfish. The concept is straightforward: to effectively be able to care for others, we must first care for ourselves. We must fill our cup first, before trying to fill someone else’s cup, because “we can’t pour from an empty cup.” Although this approach seems intuitive, it can be surprisingly challenging to practice. The article suggests doing a “cup check” to assess how “full” our own cup really is.
When I shared my exhaustion, doubts, and thoughts on the “Four Givings” and the “empty cup” with my friend Simon — who tirelessly volunteers at FGS Hsi Lai Temple —she humorously replied, “You’re not an empty cup, but a ‘dirty’ one. Your thoughts aren’t clear.”
This comment made me reflect deeply, and after reading Venerable Master Hsing Yun’s Legacy: Collective Effort of Humanistic Buddhism, I gained a clearer understanding. My “dirty cup” began to clear.
One insightful part of the book is an interview with the head abbot of FGS Monastery, Most Venerable Hsin Bau, titled “Life Without Obstacles Through Dharma.” In this interview, Most Venerable Hsin Bau discusses Venerable Master Hsing Yun’s strong aspiration to propagate the dharma, which required numerous activities. Organizing these events involves people and time, but according to Most Venerable Hsin Bau, by cultivating a selfless bodhisattva mind and understanding the true meaning of “self-benefit and benefiting others,” we are able to be of service without being troubled by the process. Most Venerable Hsin Bau pointed out that while many people initially focus on personal practice when discussing cultivation, Humanistic Buddhism emphasizes not only self-improvement but also caring for others. The bodhisattva path prioritizes benefiting others and achieving the welfare of all, recognizing that self-benefit and benefiting others can be practiced simultaneously.
Focusing solely on self-benefit before benefiting others has its pitfalls, if those on the bodhisattva path neglect self-benefit while helping others, it can lead to distress. Therefore, practicing “self-benefit and benefiting others” together is essential.
Venerable Master Hsing Yun advised that “benefiting others is self-benefit,” which addresses the relationship between the two. In the process of benefiting others, we need to advance and refine ourselves, forgetting our own interests, and ultimately, self-benefit comes naturally. “Self-benefit and benefiting others” should not be forced but flow naturally as we do what needs to be done.
There’s a saying in Chinese: “Do not be a full cup,” which advises humility, as a full cup cannot take in anything more. However, I would argue that being a full cup isn’t a bad concept if you’re willing to pour out of it to benefit others.
Another friend, Henny, recently joined a short-term monastic retreat at FGS Hsi Lai Temple. She shared that one important lesson she learned was the value of being an empty cup, allowing herself to be filled during the retreat. She also humbly described herself as a “Leaking Cup,” as she tends to forget the Dharma she learns rather quickly.
This made me wonder: what is each of our cups filled with? In other words, what does Buddhism teach about “self-care”? I recalled the following teaching: “The Buddha spoke all the Dharma to help all minds; without these minds, what need is there for Dharma?” The Buddha offered 84,000 teachings to guide beings’ thoughts and intentions, using every skillful means to save this one thought in their minds. Isn’t this all about “self-care”? And then, I recalled the concept of “Adornment” from the Avatamsaka Sutra, which refers to the qualities that enhance and refine our character. The Five Precepts and Ten Virtues should fill our cups, adorning our speech, actions, and minds.
Let’s strive to be clear cups that overflow — not just filled to the brim, but with enough to nourish ourselves and share generously with others.
