I'm not sure I understand the statement, often evoked by Buddhists, “Don't believe everything you think.” How can I know which thoughts to believe? For instance, I seem to constantly have an unbidden thought that I wish I weren't married to my spouse. But then I think, well, I'm a Buddhist, I don't have to believe this thought. Besides, this is not something I would discuss or [...]
A Buddhist Fiancé’s Guide to Love and Marriage (and Even Divorce)
Depending on how you see it, marriage — or any intimate relationship — offers the opportunity for profound practice in compassion and wisdom. The countdown is on. In 120 days, I’ll be married. To me, there are a lot of good reasons to get married. And when I read through beautiful personal stories of weddings and marriage on Lion’s Roar, I find even more. Still, as a [...]
Committing to Impermanence
It may not be forever, but for right now Rachel Neumann and her partner of 20 years celebrate their love. Thirty-four years ago, when I was ten, I stood in a wooded field, far from a crowd of children and adults who had come to celebrate a birthday, and made two vows: I would have a daughter, at least one, and I would never get married. I imagined this daughter would be [...]
How to Have a (More) Buddhist Wedding
It's your special day, so why not bring some dharma to the proceedings? James Ishmael Ford shares tips on how to do it—while not weirding anyone out. What does it mean to have a Buddhist wedding? It’s hard to say. As far as we know, the Buddha didn’t take a position on marriage. The most we have from him are a few comments about some of the difficulties of marriage, and [...]
Till Death Do Us Part
Outside, through the open church doors, I could see our guests, peering in at us. They were dressed in the richly embroidered velvet costume of Adán’s region of Mexico and they looked, I thought, like a gorgeous dream I might have after spending a day with peacocks. I glanced at Adán—the smart, sexy man who was now my husband—and I squeezed his arm. Then we stepped across the [...]
Do Buddhists follow prescribed rules regarding marriage or sexuality?
Because Buddhism is practiced in so many different countries, from conservative Asian societies to the socially liberal West, Buddhists’ approaches to sexuality and marriage differ widely. In most—but not all—Buddhist schools, monastics are celibate. Many Buddhist communities have guidelines for laypeople as well. Thich Nhat Hanh’s Fourteen Mindfulness Trainings, for example, [...]
Being Love
Awash in the pain of betrayal and a failed marriage, Laura Munson practices Pema Chödrön’s teachings on loving-kindness. It’s hard but it helps. I did not get married to get divorced. I did not have children to subject them to the confusion of split parents. I did not hold them in my arms on their day of birth and say, “I am going to raise you to be [...]
Growing Together
Thich Nhat Hanh shows us how we can use loving relationships to cultivate the seeds of buddhahood inside us. To commit to another person is to embark on a very adventurous journey. You must be very wise and very patient to keep your love alive so it will last for a long time. The first year of a committed relationship can already reveal how difficult it is. When you first [...]
Happily Ever After
When NeuroTribes author Steve Silberman got married in 2009, he and his husband found themselves in the middle of an American culture war. For them, embracing the word "marriage" was like opening the door to a secret garden. On a hazy August afternoon in 2001, I knelt on one knee and asked my beloved, “Will you marry me?” We were standing on a breakwater in front of a [...]
Study finds Buddhism is the least homonegative religion
A new study in the Journal of Homosexuality has shown that, of all the world’s religions, Buddhism is the least homonegative. “Homonegativity” is defined as “an aversion to homosexuality as a social practice or way of life.” The study looked at 79 countries to determine how religion and religiosity affect attitudes to homosexuality. Results indicated that, while religious [...]